


The Silence of You and Me

by emberanne



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Comfort, Friendship, Library, M/M, Silence, Stress, Studying, based on real life, early am thoughts, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22301638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emberanne/pseuds/emberanne
Summary: The silence that characterized Hongjoong and Seonghwa's friendship was a diverse one.There was the silence that stretched between their quiet nights studying across from each other in the library.The silence that wrapped around the room when one fell apart and clung to the other for unspoken, unconditional support.The silence that amplified the thousands of miles between them, where they could only hope of coming together again someday.And through it all was their friendship, quiet and wavering, but never extinguishing.orThe progression of Hongjoong and Seonghwa's relationship as it grows throughout their time in undergrad and grad school, as told through collections of seemingly meaningless moments that actually mean the world.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 18
Kudos: 172





	1. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> silence  
> (n) the best method of determining the level of a relationship

They were working at opposite ends of the room. 

Not because they didn’t like each other, but just because of how tables and people had worked out that night. 

At one point, Hongjoong settled into one of the study booths. 

Eventually, Seonghwa came over and lay across the other bench. He was taking a break and he was close to breaking. 

He mouthed the words of the song he was listening to. 

Hongjoong noticed and did a goofy dance with his arms. It makes Seonghwa smile. 

As Seonghwa leaves for his table, he stands next to Hongjoong’s bench and peers at the computer. 

Putting his hand between Hongjoong and the computer, he flips off the screen. 

Hongjoong gives him a thumbs up. 

They went back to their work on opposite ends of the room, feeling just a little bit lighter than before. 

* * *

The friendship between Seonghwa and Hongjoong existed before the library. 

But the library was where their friendship became real. 

Seonghwa worked in a study booth. His shoes kicked off, legs propped onto the opposite bench. Pencil ticking against the table as he stared mindlessly at his textbook. 

Hongjoong set his phone at the table cautiously and when Seonghwa smiled up at him and moved his legs, the shorter sits down. 

They worked predominantly in silence for the rest of the night. 

They feel a little closer than before. 

* * *

Hongjoong is collapsed across the bench of their favorite study booth. He mindlessly scrolls through his phone. 

Seonghwa stops next to him, just back from talking to a few friends. Softly, he taps Hongjoong’s knee twice. 

Hongjoong looks up and Seonghwa makes a face at him. 

Hongjoong makes one back. 

Seonghwa sits in his designated spot on the other side of the booth and stares at his laptop. 

A minute later, Hongjoong sits up as well. 

They both start working. 

* * *

They’re cramped together at a tiny table now. It’s the only available one near an outlet.

Seonghwa struggles to make a straight line in his lab notebook. 

Hongjoong picks up his ruler and taps it against Seonghwa’s hand without looking up. 

Seonghwa accepts it and they continue. 

* * *

Hongjoong pushes his phone across the table. 

Seonghwa picks it up and examines the meme. He shakes his head, scowling mirthfully at the other. 

Hongjoong sticks his tongue out. 

Seonghwa flips him off. 

Hongjoong sends him a heart. 

Seonghwa rolls his eyes, passes the phone back. 

Moments later, he pushes his phone across the table. 

* * *

Hongjoong’s event for the department was not going as planned. The place was overcrowded and understaffed. How was he supposed to make this event a success when nothing was going right. 

He stands at the counter, fuming.

Seonghwa touches his arm and pulls him away from the counter. Softly pushes him back towards the group that they came with, who are having fun. 

Seonghwa stands in his place at the counter. 

It’s not his event, he’s only here to drive the van. But Hongjoong can’t handle this right now, so Seonghwa will handle it for him. 

* * *

Sometimes they’re too lazy to talk to each other. Too lazy to text each other. 

But they want to hang out later. (They always want to hang out.)

Seonghwa will make an event on google calendar and invite Hongjoong to it. 

It’s weird, but it works for them. 

* * *

Seonghwa knows that Hongjoong is gauging him. 

Hongjoong knows that Seonghwa had a rough weekend. Known since he got the tired text at 5 am saying that Seonghwa was at the hospital for a friend. 

Hongjoong doesn’t ask what happened. 

He sees the way Seonghwa’s shoulders tense when people ask that question. He sees the way Seonghwa’s eyes turn elsewhere as he brushes it aside. 

He knows that whatever happened hit Seonghwa hard. 

Hongjoong always pushes the conversation in new directions. 

Seonghwa will always breathe softly with relief. 

Hongjoong will take care of Seonghwa for as long as he can. 

For now, 

“Wanna get dessert?” he asks. 

“Yeah,” Seonghwa smiles for the first time in days. 

* * *

Seonghwa’s hands are shaking. He can’t type. 

He presses his hands together, as if in prayer, and brings them to his face. Allows his thumbs and index fingers to spread to touch his throat and temples respectively. 

He closes his eyes and breathes. 

When he opens his eyes, Hongjoong is staring at him. 

Hongjoong smiles softly. Seonghwa manages to smile back. 

“You’re doing so good,” is what he says to Seonghwa. 

_ I’m so proud of you _ are what his eyes say. 

Seonghwa closes his eyes and breathes again. 

He starts to work. 

* * *

The train ride is brutal. 

They’re both so incredibly tired. 

Hongjoong’s head drops against Seonghwa’s shoulder. Seonghwa tenses for a moment. 

Gently, Seonghwa’s head rests on top of Hongjoong’s and both relax. 

They’re able to catch a little sleep. Even if it is only for a few minutes. 

* * *

When Hongjoong gives Seonghwa the birthday card that he organized, Seonghwa tries not to cry. 

Because it’s handmade, hand-drawn by Hongjoong to have Seonghwa’s favorite movie on the front and it’s filled with heartfelt messages from all of their closest friends. 

No one’s put so much thought into a card for him.

Seonghwa doesn’t cry. 

He settles for hugging Hongjoong as tight as he can instead. 

* * *

Hongjoong’s arms spread across the table, his head falling heavily onto them.

He stays there. 

Seonghwa lets him stay there. 

Seonghwa pats his head and tentatively threads fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp lightly for a moment. 

Seonghwa taps his hand once, just so Hongjoong knows that he’s there for him. 

Seonghwa gets back to work. 

Hongjoong gets back to work not long after. 

* * *

_ I’m going to camp out in the dining hall until I finish this essay. _

That’s what Seonghwa told Hongjoong after he found out the shorter didn’t have plans to go to the library. 

If Hongjoong didn’t go, Seonghwa didn’t go either. 

Hongjoong finds Seonghwa in the corner of the dining hall and sits with him while he writes his essay. 

Hongjoong doesn’t have any work this time. He just knows Seonghwa needs to be with someone. 

* * *

On the Sunday night before finals start, it’s tradition for one dorm to make pancakes and serve them to anyone who wants them at midnight. The leftovers are brought to the 24 hour section of the library. 

It’s there that Seonghwa finds them. 

Pulling Yeosang over with him, they try the pancakes. 

They’re plain. A little dense. 

Nothing has ever tasted more delicious. 

Seonghwa picks one up and brings it over to where Hongjoong sits in their booth, exchanging tired conversation with Wooyoung in the next booth over. 

Seonghwa mocks throwing it as Hongjoong’s face. He doesn’t flinch. 

Huffing in fake contempt, Seonghwa gives Hongjoong the pancake. He slowly takes a bite. 

Seonghwa returns to the hallway he found them in and grabs two more. 

Gives one to Hongjoong, who’s already finished the first. 

They sit and eat their pancakes and recover. 

* * *

“How’d your exam go?” Hongjoong asks. 

Seonghwa is sitting down at a table. For the first time, Hongjoong towers over him. 

“Not good,” Seonghwa manages to say. 

His chest is shaking. His eyes are shut. 

Hongjoong knows that he’s trying not to cry. 

Hongjoong puts his hand on Seonghwa’s head and draws it into his abdomen, because he doesn’t know what else to do. 

“That’s okay,” Hongjoong tells him. “You did your best.” 

Seonghwa’s chest collapses. “Did I?” 

Hongjoong pets his head, “Yeah, you did.” 

* * *

They’ve been relocated from their normal spot. It’s the final part of finals week after all, plenty of other people are in the library. 

Seonghwa is still recovering from his bronchitis earlier in the semester. 

His coughs shake his chest, they echo across the room. He feels like he’s going to throw up. 

He kind of wants to die. 

Hongjoong looks up at Seonghwa and when the taller meets his eyes, Hongjoong makes a face at him. 

Seonghwa rolls his eyes, and bops his head to his music. 

Hongjoong hits the whoa. 

Seonghwa resists the urge to laugh. 

They get back to work. 

* * *

It’s the last day before they go home for break. 

Seonghwa has pulled Hongjoong and their plethora of underclassmen they call ‘children’ into the kitchen of the nicest dorm. 

They bake cookies and watch YouTube videos on the TV. 

Hongjoong sits in a chair, San and Mingi sitting on the floor near him. San leans against Hongjoong’s leg and Mingi leans against the arm of the chair. 

Together, all three of them yell the lyrics to the song playing. Seonghwa turns his phone to them and takes a video.

They wave their arms in sync ridiculously, they shout and clap above their heads.

Seonghwa can’t help but smile at how much happiness and life Hongjoong brings into a room. 

* * *

When they say goodbye, it’s different. 

Seonghwa’s taller frame engulfs Hongjoong as they embrace. 

“The break is gonna go by so fast,” Hongjoong complains. 

Seonghwa squeezes him a little harder. He knows what Hongjoong is saying. 

_ Don’t worry, the break will be over soon and we’ll be back together again.  _


	2. Solace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> solace  
> (n) comfort in times of disappointment

The new semester brings less and less time together. 

They’re torn in two different directions. 

Seonghwa can’t find it in him to be upset at Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong can’t find it in him to be upset at Seonghwa. 

This is how it is. 

They’ll be together again eventually. 

* * *

It’s early at night. 

Seonghwa’s in the regular study booth. 

Hongjoong drops his stuff in the booth as Seonghwa stands. 

The shorter frowns, the taller smiles apologetically. 

Seonghwa moves off to his group project meeting. 

By the time he’s back, Hongjoong’s leaving for majors committee. 

They hug briefly. 

It’s enough to get them both through the rest of the night. 

* * *

Seonghwa is flushed from the cold. 

His mind is so far from the real world. 

He drops his stuff at Hongjoong’s table and moves to buy food. 

When he returns, he sits and puts his head on the table. 

His eyes squeeze shut. 

Hongjoong’s fingers thread through Seonghwa’s. 

The weight in Seonghwa’s chest lifts just a little. 

* * *

‘Dinner?’

Seonghwa’s heart lifts at the text. 

‘You’re on ;)’

Hongjoong can’t help the smile that stretches across his face. 

* * *

Seonghwa is leaving for the night. 

It’s late, he needs to go back to his dorm. 

Hongjoong gets the door and Seonghwa holds out his hand. 

Hongjoong mimics him. 

Their fingertips touch lightly. 

And Seonghwa’s out the door with a warm laugh. 

Hongjoong smiles as he closes the door. 

* * *

Hongjoong’s plan is to disrupt his sleep schedule so violently, that 9 AM is just staying up late and 9 PM is waking up early. 

He’s put it into his google calendar. 

‘What’s _the plan_ ’ Seonghwa texts. 

‘Play me back in 8-ball’ Hongjoong responds. 

Seonghwa plays him back and doesn’t ask any more questions. 

When he leaves Hongjoong in the library that night at 3 am, he leaves the other with a warm hug and a king-size KitKat. 

* * *

When the world feels like too much, Seonghwa lets his feet carry him forward. 

No thought, no intention, no care. 

He lets his feet carry him wherever they decide to go. 

Sometimes it takes him into the woods. 

Sometimes into the night. 

Sometimes to Hongjoong. 

* * *

There’s a quiet that wraps around Seonghwa’s room. 

Seonghwa knows better than to question it. 

Hongjoong’s knees are pulled into his chest. His eyes squeezed shut, his head tilted upwards. 

Seonghwa knows better than to push the issue. 

“I’m with you,” Seonghwa says. 

Hongjoong smiles at the ceiling as the first tear falls. 

Seonghwa holds Hongjoong as he comes apart. 

* * *

Hongjoong is tired and stressed. 

So, so tired. So, so stressed. 

The way he falls apart is unspectacular. 

It’s hot and heavy tears in the middle of the cafeteria, labored breaths that he can’t get in and blabbered phrases. 

It’s Seonghwa racing from the next table over and pushing headphones into Hongjoong’s ears, playing the only song that’s ever calmed Hongjoong down. 

It’s Seonghwa hugging him tightly, whispering soft reassurances Hongjoong can’t hear. 

It’s Seonghwa gripping Hongjoong’s hand as tightly as Hongjoong grips Seonghwa’s and attempting to dry Hongjoong’s face with his free hand (he fails miserably). 

Sometimes, Hongjoong thinks Seonghwa is the only reason he’s alive. 

* * *

Hongjoong starts to collect the notion of happiness. 

YouTube playlists of videos that make him breathe a laugh. 

Songs that make him close his eyes and sway. 

Photos that make him crack the smallest smile. 

And of course, at the center of all his happiness, is Seonghwa. 

* * *

“How are you doing?”

Hongjoong can’t seem to escape the question. 

Every time he sees someone from that night, they ask the question. 

“Look at this meme,” Seonghwa says instead. 

* * *

It’s dark outside. 

The music is so soft. 

Hongjoong opens his soul to Seonghwa. Years of fears and desires and secrets that only the night have known. 

Seonghwa opens his soul to Hongjoong. 

And Hongjoong knows that Seonghwa won’t ever leave his side.

And that things might just be okay.

They’re sitting on opposite sides of the room. 

They’ve never been closer. 

* * *

It’s a quiet night in the cafeteria. 

Hongjoong flips through a book for class. 

He looks up and catches Seonghwa’s eye. 

Seonghwa smiles a soft smile. 

Doing work doesn’t seem as bad anymore. 

* * *

Seonghwa hugs Hongjoong tightly. 

Hongjoong’s tiny frame fits easily in Seonghwa’s arms. 

Seonghwa knows that he can hold onto a piece of the world. 

* * *

Seonghwa’s body buzzes with alcohol. 

It’s enough to make him lose his reserved mask. 

Enough to make him smile and laugh freely. 

And if Hongjoong keeps pulling him closer to dance together in this sea of bodies, fighting it is the furthest thing from Seonghwa’s mind. 

* * *

Seonghwa doesn’t know how long they’ve been there. 

Hongjoong’s curled on the opposite bench, sleeping. 

Seonghwa considers waking the other. 

Instead, he curls on his own bench and closes his eyes. 

He’ll get up and do his work when the timer goes off. 

For now, he’s content to sleep on the library benches at Hongjoong’s side. 

* * *

Seonghwa sits in the passenger seat. 

He softly nudges directions to Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong whispers a song as he drives.

Seonghwa feels a lightness in his chest. 

_ When I am with you, I know that everything will be alright _ . 

* * *

They sit in the library. 

It’s a different spot from their usual one. 

Light streams through the window here. 

Hongjoong knows that they won’t talk much. 

That’s okay. 

He breathes a little easier anyways. 

* * *

The cute animal pic Hongjoong sent is so tiny. 

Seonghwa kind of melts looking at it. 

‘I want to give him the world’ Seonghwa texts. 

‘I want to eat him’ Hongjoong responds. 

Seonghwa laughs so loudly he’s kicked out of his review session.

He can’t bring himself to care that much. 

* * *

Their friends fill the room. 

San and Wooyoung lounge. Jongho huddles. Yeosang dissociates. Yunho and Mingi talk. Seonghwa is quiet. 

Surrounded by people, Hongjoong has never felt more isolated.

He can’t bring himself to talk.

Seonghwa nudges Hongjoong with his foot. 

Gives the shorter a tiny, near-imperceptible nod. 

Hongjoong feels his shoulders relax.

_ With you, I think that maybe I’m not completely alone in the world _ . 

* * *

The night is quiet. 

Hongjoong’s gone for the weekend, something about needing to talk over things with his parents. 

Seonghwa’s breath is slow, even. 

Slowly, Seonghwa pulls his phone from his pocket. 

Hongjoong picks up on the second ring. 

“Miss me already?” 

“Asshole.” 

They talk until light traces the sky. 

* * *

“I’ve been accepted into grad school.” 

Hongjoong’s words sit heavily around them. Seonghwa swallows. 

Graduate school is a topic they try not to talk about. 

“I committed last night.” 

Seonghwa’s been set to go to KAIST in Daejeon since the start of the school year. 

“Where are you going?” Seonghwa can barely ask the question. 

The silence sits and then,

“Parsons.” Seonghwa’s chest collapses. “New York City.”

Seonghwa can’t think, can’t formulate an answer, can’t even breathe. 

Because this has been a long time coming. This was always how it was going to be. Their futures were never going to intertwine perfectly. 

Seonghwa closes his eyes. Inhales sharply. 

“Seonghwa…”

“I’m happy for you,” Seonghwa says. It’s true. “I’m so happy for you, Joong. And I’m so proud of you, you deserve this.” 

“Seonghwa, I,”

Seonghwa pulls Hongjoong to his chest and wraps his arm around the smaller boy. He hugs Hongjoong tight. 

Tears stream down Seonghwa’s face and into the corners of his mouth. “We’ll be okay.”

Hongjoong stills. Slowly, he moves to clutch at the taller’s shirt desperately. Quiet sobs wrack their bodies and they fall apart together. 

They’ll figure it out. 


	3. Semper Fidelis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> semper fidelis  
> (adj) always faithful

When they say goodbye, it’s different. 

Seonghwa’s taller frame engulfs Hongjoong’s in a long embrace. 

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Hongjoong promises. 

Seonghwa squeezes him a little harder. There’s so much left unsaid. 

* * *

_They don’t fool themselves with promises to talk every day._

_They know that’s not how it works._

* * *

Being abroad is hard. 

New York City is ruthless, unforgiving. 

The city punctures your heart and dares to drag you down. 

Hongjoong loves the challenges. 

He’s thriving in New York City. He’s never been more productive, been so well received. 

And yet, 

Hongjoong isn’t fully happy. 

He can’t help but wonder how far Seonghwa has come at KAIST. 

Wonder if Seonghwa stepped into the spotlight he’s always deserved to be in.

* * *

_They will drift apart. They know this._

_They don’t know if they’ll drift back together._

* * *

KAIST is brutally competitive. 

Students claw for the top, tearing at each other. 

They envy those who shine and curse behind closed doors. 

Seonghwa hates the competitions.

He’s ridiculously proud of how far he’s come. He’s at the top of his game, well on his way to his doctorate. 

And yet, 

Seonghwa shrinks at harsh whispers of “the perfect student.”

He can’t help but long for the nights in the library with Hongjoong, messing around and barely getting their work done on time. 

Long for that quiet air of unconditional love and the boy that came with it. 

* * *

_Though they don’t tell the other, they fall asleep with prayers that they will_. 

* * *

It’s hard to be friends with a thirteen-hour time difference. 

Seonghwa is always just waking up as Hongjoong returns home from long days in the design studios. Hongjoong’s passed out by the time Seonghwa gets out of his afternoon labs. 

They don’t get to talk much. 

It’s memes over Instagram and texts through Kakao and it’s everything that it was before but nothing like it was. 

Hongjoong longs for before. 

* * *

“Can you hear me? Hongjoong?”

Seonghwa’s voice is fuzzy, it cuts in and out. It’s far from Seonghwa’s normal voice, the voice Hongjoong is used to hearing. 

But the fuzzy version filled with static is enough to lift the invisible weight on Hongjoong’s shoulders. 

“Hey Hwa,” Hongjoong smiles, even though he knows Seonghwa can’t see him. “I can hear you loud and clear.”

* * *

It’s hard to pretend that nothing has changed. 

On the rare days that they do get to call each other, the conversation feels strained. Words pulled and stories forced. Naturalness seems to have left them. 

Have they forgotten how to be friends?

It’s the moments of silence that reassure them. Where Hongjoons softly hums and his pencil scratches against sketch paper while Seonghwa rolls himself out of bed, where Hongjoong falls asleep mid-call and Seonghwa makes his coffee with a silent smile. 

Seonghwa knows not all is lost. 

* * *

_When I am with you, I believe that everything will be okay._

* * *

“I swear you’re always in the lab! It’s been ages since we’ve talked.” 

“It hasn’t been that long...” 

“Ages, Seonghwa, _ages_. Decades. Eons. Centuries.” 

“Alright, alright,” Seonghwa rolls over. It’s early and he’s exhausted, but it’s worth it to talk to Hongjoong. “You’re right, it’s been too long. I’ve missed you.” 

Seonghwa can practically hear Hongjoong smiling softly. “I’ve missed you too, Hwa.” 

There’s a moment of silence and as Seonghwa closes his eyes, he thinks he might just be able to imagine that they’re lying on the benches of their regular study booth, tired and brain dead, hands lingering three feet apart. 

* * *

Hongjoong has never been great at keeping in touch.

He’s especially bad at it when it comes to someone he doesn’t see on a daily basis. 

He forgets about texts and calling slips down his list of priorities quickly. 

He normally gives up on the relationship because trying is too much effort. 

However,

When it comes to Seonghwa, there isn’t anything Hongjoong wouldn’t do. 

* * *

Sometimes when they call, they don’t say anything at all. 

They do their work, preparing or unwinding for the day. There are soft hums and quiet, meaningless words. 

It feels more like home when they’re like that. 

* * *

The food in New York is amazing.

Hongjoong’s never experienced so many different kinds of foods, eaten across so many cultures. His stomach is constantly full and he’s always trying new things, it’s far more fun than Hongjoong thought it would be. 

He can’t eat any of the Korean food. It doesn’t taste right. It worsens his homesickness more than it soothes. 

‘I miss your tteokbokki’ he texts Seonghwa. 

‘I’ll make you some when you come home’ Seonghwa promises. 

It makes Hongjoong smile widely and text Seonghwa that he’ll hold the older to it, but a thought presses in the back of his mind: 

Hongjoong doesn’t know when he’ll get to go home and eat Seonghwa’s cooking again. 

* * *

_I wonder if you think about me..._

* * *

The worst is when Hongjoong sees or does something amazing, his first instinct is to turn around and tell Seonghwa as if the other will be standing behind him with a happy smile and gleeful eyes.

He’s never there. 

Hongjoong will swallow his words and pretend the thought to tell Seonghwa never came in the first place. 

* * *

Seonghwa likes to cook whenever he’s especially stressed. 

He enjoys pushing his worries to the back of his mind as he focuses on preparing the meal in front of him. In undergrad, he would cook and Hongjoong would sit on the counter beside him. The conversation would float easily and they’d eat together in comfortable silence. 

Now, in his tiny studio apartment kitchen, he makes army stew and thinks of how Hongjoong would tease him about being such a homebody. 

He doesn’t realize his mistake until he’s already filling a second bowl. 

He swallows his tears and sets the bowl on the other side of his tiny dining table. Pushes his sadness aside and roughly eats his stew. 

Making a serving for Hongjoong becomes a habit. 

Just in case. 

* * *

_...as much as I think about you_. 

* * *

The first year comes and goes. 

Seonghwa spends his break interning in Shanghai. 

Hongjoong attends a short, exclusive program in Milan. 

They don’t mention their previous talks of spending breaks together. (It was foolish to have those talks in the first place.)

Conversations start to wane. 

It’s easy enough to comment on social media and send small, ridiculous life stories as they arise. Being active members of each other's lives is a whole other feat. 

* * *

November arrives and Seonghwa realizes he doesn’t have a gift for Hongjoong. 

He ignores the bile in his throat and sends a long text with an apology and birthday wishes when Hongjoong’s birthday comes along. 

He feels like a shitty best friend.

But then Hongjoong calls him and tells him how much it meant to receive that text and Seonghwa swears to try harder to remember the big events, but Hongjoong reassures him that

“Knowing that you still think of me is all I could ever want.” 

And Seonghwa realizes he feels exactly the same way. 

* * *

Though they don’t tell the other, they think of the library often. 

Of quiet nights filled with the scratch of a pencil on paper, the soft clacking of a keyboard. 

Falling asleep across tables and study booths.

Memes pushed from side to side, scowls and rude gestures and hearts and rolled eyes and soft nudges. 

Fingers lingering a few feet apart. 

Everything was so much simpler then. 

* * *

_On the worst days and your comfort is a half a world away from me,_

_As long as I think of you I can breathe._

_As long as I think of you I can live._

* * *

The years begin to pass more frequently. 

Hongjoong still turns around. 

Seonghwa still makes two servings. 

They don’t say anything about it. 

They wait for the day when the other is there.

* * *

‘Will you come to my graduation?’ Hongjoong texts on a cold spring day. 

Seonghwa’s stomach turns. 

‘If you’ll have me.’

‘Duh.’

* * *

Hongjoong’s graduation is a small affair. 

His parents come, as well as his favorite cousin. They buy a cake and crowd into Hongjoong’s tiny apartment in Brooklyn and tease him about how bad his commute is. 

And Seonghwa is there. 

“I’m really happy you’re here, Hwa,” Hongjoong tells him. “I’m really happy to see you again.”

“Not as happy as I am,” Seonghwa smiles and Hongjoong rolls his eyes, nudging the taller with his shoulder gently. 

“How many more years are they gonna keep you in KAIST?” 

“It’s medical school, Joong, it’s gonna be a while.” 

Hongjoong groans and Seonghwa laughs. They talk about their lives and how they’ve grown and they reminisce on old times.

They don’t talk about the future. 

Their futures won’t align. Not for a long time. 

They don’t need to talk about it with each other to know that they’re both willing to wait for as long as it takes. 

* * *

_I love you in spite of the world keeping us apart._

* * *

The years go on. 

Birthdays and relationships and jobs cross their paths.

It’s not always happy, it’s not always sad. It’s life and it continues and they let their feet carry them where they need to go. 

They wait. 

* * *

They lived on opposite ends of the world. 

Not because they didn’t like each other, but just because of how life had worked out so far. 

At one point, Seonghwa settled in as a surgeon at Seoul National University Hospital. 

Eventually, Hongjoong came and found him. He was taking a break for the first time in forever. 

Hongjoong told Seonghwa of his plans to settle in Seoul after years of constant international travel and success. 

Seonghwa smiled and told Hongjoong almost a decade of unspoken thoughts. It pushes both of them to tears. 

As they go into the rest of their respective lives, they stand at each other's side.

It’s not perfect. 

It’s never perfect. It’s not a fairytale of seeing each other every day and falling together so beautifully it hurts. 

But it’s enough.

* * *

 _When I am with you, I am home_. 

* * *

They feel just a little bit lighter than before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this fic! It's very close to my heart as it's so intrinsically tied to my life and my experiences with my friends. 
> 
> I first wrote this at like 2 AM and posted it in this half-conscious daze, just because I had written this in the context of my friends but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest and share it with people. So I took my experiences with my friends and projected them onto the relationship between Hongjoong and Seonghwa and in a way, I guess, this fic was purely self-indulgent. Only the first chapter existed and I was gonna let it be like that, till I let one of my best friends read it and she asked for more. So I wrote more and I tore Seonghwa and Hongjoong apart I kind of hated myself for it, but I also recognize that that's how life works out sometimes and it just makes it that much more meaningful when you finally reunite. The best friendships you can have in life are the ones where you can be torn apart so violently for so long but still manage to fall right back into place without needing to say anything more about it.
> 
> But really, thank you for reading. I'm so glad to have been able to share this with people and I hope it touches you in the way it does me, by reminding us of the friendships we are so grateful for. Even if they aren't the most present friendships in our lives, they are the friendships that mean the world. I hope all of you have a friend like this or that you are able to find a friend like this, because everyone deserves to be loved like this.


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